【Mom's coming】
I haven't went home since spring break, not even summer vacation or Moon Festival. Therefore, my mom decides to come and visit me since I do not go home often. The time my mom is coming will be this weekend, now comes a big problem: where should I put all my stuffs which cannot be seen by her, including my new comic book, and what a mass my room is to my mom! I guess I had better start figuring out what I can do before mom finds out.
1 則留言:
"I haven't went home since" ==> "I haven't {been / gone} home since".
"my mom decides to come" ==> "my mom {has decided / decided} to come". She's already made her decision, so this should be in the past tense.
"since I do not go home often." This is redundant; that is, it repeats what you've already said in the first sentence. We get the idea that you don't go home often, so saying it again adds nothing but more words to your post. Delete it.
"The time my mom is coming will be this weekend, now comes a big problem:" This is what is called a "comma splice": two sentences that should be separated by a period but are connected by a comma. ==> "weekend. Now".
"The time my mom is coming will be this weekend," ==> "My mom is coming this weekend." "The time" is a verbosity: delete it.
"all my stuffs which cannot be seen by her, including my new comic book, and what a mass my room is to my mom!" ==> "all the stuff that I don't want her to see, including my new comic book?" Don't use the passive "which cannot be seen by her". This doesn't mean what you think it means, and it doesn't mean what it says. Unless your mom is blind, she can see all those thing. The point you're making is that you don't want your mom to see a bunch of stuff, including you comic book and the "mess" (not "mass") in your room.
And it will sound strange if you say something like this: "And how can I keep her from seeing how messy my room is without actually cleaning my room up?" Maybe you should say something like this: "And where can I find a big box to hide everything on the messy floor of my room? And then where can I hide the box?"
Clear points in your essay. Good.
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